


Capernoited

by DarkAislinn



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1252402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAislinn/pseuds/DarkAislinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrus has had one too many at Shepard's party and takes advice from Zaeed. Turns out, not such a bad idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Capernoited

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thievinghippo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thievinghippo/gifts).



> Based on the prompt from thievinghippo to me on [tumblr](http://darkaislinn.tumblr.com/post/78189829028/capernoited-slightly-intoxicated-or-tipsy-for-garrus#notes): Capernoited - Slightly intoxicated or tipsy for Garrus, please! :)
> 
> I have to say, I'm not sure how this turned out but I liked writing it!

He leaned his hip against the railing and scanned the lower level of the apartment. Zaeed was droning on about the windows and how tactically unsound they were when Shepard looked up and met his gaze.

He agreed - wholeheartedly - on the fact that the apartment was too exposed and that the entrance left no cover. Too much glass, too many plants and open spaces but he didn't really care about all of that at the moment - not when the alcohol was making him comfortably warm and all he could think about was Shepard in _that dress_.

He shifted, his armor making his sudden excitement uncomfortable, and barely heard what Zaeed was saying about rigging the piano with C4 so when someone went to play the instrument they went up in smoke. Or was it a ball of flame?

"I like it," he heard himself mutter even though he was watching the way Shepard's firm, perfectly rounded backside swayed when she walked.

The way she glanced up at him from under her lashes and the small smile she gave him told him she knew _exactly_ what she was doing.

He flared his mandibles and tilted his head in acknowledgment to which she arched an amused brow. _Game on_ , he thought.

She made her way up the stairs and he pretended not to notice her until she sidled up next to them and butted into the conversation, her fingers briefly squeezing his waist.

Despite the armor he felt it. Or maybe it was the alcohol intensifying the touch. Either way, he bit back the growl that threatened to escape.

He made some quip about her hair though his eyes never left her waist. He wanted to reach out and run a talon over her hip, tracing the bone and follow it down her creamy thighs until he reached the back of her knee. He knew how she'd responded and the thought alone caused his breath to hitch in his throat.

As nonchalantly as he could he raised his hand and ghosted it long the back of her neck. Her words stuttered and her hand slipped from the railing, her eyes glancing at him.

He hid his smile behind his glass as she excused herself and headed back down the stairs to find Grunt.

Zaeed stared at him. Finally Garrus sighed. "What?"

"You need to learn how to play dirty my turian friend," Zaeed simply said as he chugged the vestiges of his amber drink.

"Oh? I think I did fairly well."

"All you did was piss her off. Lemme tell you how to really ruffle her feathers."

 

* * *

 

 

A few Heat Sinks later, and damn Traynor could make a mean drink, he was eyeing the glass in front of the stairs like it was a firing algorithm that needed calibrating. His mind, however, kept wandering to Shepard who was in the bathroom with a very drunk Tali and trying to convince the energetic little quarian that no, she in fact does not have a tattoo of a pretty bird made of rainbows flying out of a skull held in the mouth of a thresher maw with a naked woman holding a sword on its back.

He snorted. That would be a sight indeed. Then again... if the woman was Shepard and _she_ was naked on the back of a thresher maw holding a sword then... well... he decided he couldn't be held accountable for his actions after she was off said thresher maw. Perhaps it was the alcohol, but he couldn’t remember when his imagination had been more vibrant and damn it was _vibrant_ indeed at the moment.

Just as he was turning his attention back to Zaeed’s gravelly voice she walked around the corner, drink in hand, with a sly smile on her perfectly shaped - in his opinion anyway - lips. She leaned against the glass, her hand reaching out to rub a waxy leaf between her fingers and eyed him with something akin to a challenge.

So, he did as Zaeed said. He ignored her. He focused his attention on what Zaeed was saying. Explosive strips in a 4x4 grid, yes. If the image of Shepard with her hair blowing in the wind as she stood naked in front of a thresher maw didn’t get his blood flowing, then explosives to kill whoever was trying to kill his beloved certainly would.

“It might damage the plants,” he heard himself say, trying his damndest to ignore her fingers dancing across his waist and teasingly sliding down over a jutting hip then cutting across and stopping right before where he was aching most.

Garrus cut the conversation short with Zaeed, his eyes narrowing as she stepped back taking an innocent sip of her drink. He jerked his head in the direction of Tali and pressed his palm against the glass to try and keep his balance. Too many Heat Sinks. “Anything interesting from our little tech genius?”

Her brows rose in arched amusement and she gave a quick dip of her head in a nod. “You could say that,” she murmured, stepping towards him and pressing her hand against his chest.

And _oh_ , what those hands could do. His heart sped up and he flared his mandibles in a smile. “Oh?”

“You know,” she said, running her fingers up his chest and over his neck, “something about me, you and her.”

He swallowed when she reached the tips of his mandibles, her lips a breath away and he couldn’t pull his eyes from the moist, fleshy things. Her tongue darted out to wet the bottom lip and he lost all coherent thought. “Uh, right. Yeah that sounds… good.”

She tossed her head back in a throaty laugh and he took the chance to nip at the creamy flesh that was screaming for him to touch. His hand-eye coordination decided to defy him and he ended up smacking her chin with his forehead.

She howled in pain, her glass slipping from her fingers and landed in shattered pieces on the floor. He bent to make sure she was okay but slipped on the liquid and when he reached out to catch himself, he grabbed her and pulled her down on top of him.

They landed in a heap of armor, legs and arms with Shepard laughing hysterically above him. His fringe was throbbing but her squirming body atop his was causing massive throbbing elsewhere.

Liara wobbled over to them, reaching out a hand to steady herself on the wall and eyed them suspiciously. “What’s goin’ on over here?”

“Garrus is trying to kill me.”

“Looks like his reach is fine,” the asari slurred, ignoring the previous comment with a lopsided smile. This caused Shepard to, once again, lapse into hysterics while Garrus laid there in a slightly drunken haze as his mind tried to catch up to what had just happened. He’d have a conversation with Shepard later about telling private things to the Shadow Broker.

Liara wobbled off again, presumably back to watch Vega’s tongue tricks or grab the blue rock from Grunt, and Shepard propped herself up with her elbows on his chest and gazed down at him, her eyes bright and a smile gracing her still alien features that he had come to believe were the most beautiful features he had ever laid eyes on.

Music from the kitchen area started blasting and her face lit up. She pushed off of him and sprang upwards, reaching out a hand to help him up albeit carefully with the liquid still on the floor.

“Let’s dance,” she said, tugging him in the direction of the kitchen.

“You’re joking.” She tossed him a mock glare over her shoulder. “You liked it then?”

“I think you could tell.”

“Indeed,” he murmured, pulling her back and pressing his hand against her waist. “But I think that while everyone else is otherwise occupied we should take care of those vids.”

She gave him a confused look. “Vids?”

This time, despite the alcohol, he managed to run his tongue along her throat. “Yes. The vids I have running through my head of us mostly naked, rolling shamelessly all over a couch. Or a bed. Both work.” Her breath started coming out in gasps when his tongue reached her ear. “And I did say it was better in bed.”

“Promises, promises,” she echoed, but gripped his hand and pulled him towards the stairs. “I say we test your theory. Just make sure you've got the stamina.”

“Oh, I’ve got stamina. Remember I’ve got enough alcohol coursing through me to fill a lake.”

“Well then we’re wasting time.”

“Indeed,” he purred with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed it!


End file.
